Watch this movie, it's excellent: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0476643/


such a slacker lately. Haven't even done a mission for agoraphobic maps, much to HHM's chagrin, I'd imagine. Sorry, dude.

I feel like someone is pushing a hot poker through my jaw and into my right eye. Is this cancer?

Speaking of cancer, I had a weird memory about my father. After my Dad got out of the military he was a private contractor for the military for several years, in some kind of firm. To this day, I really don't know what he did, I know it had something to do with teaching war tactics and creating war games, maybe simulation games? I don't know. That's beside the point. He had an office, and sometimes he would take us there. I would golf in the hallways. Once, when I was about six or seven I wandered into the office of one his colleagues, and starting looking around. The guy had a calender on his wall of extremely obese women in bathing suits. I thought it was hilarious and asked my dad about it. I remember him telling me that some people like women that big, and some people think these things are funny.

Anyways, after that he had to go to the courthouse, (probably to pay off some DUI charge) which was situated next to the boardwalk and fishing piers on the beach. It was pretty cold, as it was November. It was the only time I walked on the beach in fall. Afterward, he bought me lunch. One of those kids meal type things. It came with a pound puppy and a pound kitty, remember those things? I was pretty happy.

I don't know why this memory came to me, or why I am so nostalgic and girlish on a blog. I guess that is the nature of loss. Sometimes the need to express it is overwhelming. I don't do it often. But I fucking miss him. He wasn't a bad man, but he wasn't a good one either. He was terribly human, and I am a lot like him.

I don't believe in afterlife, or ghosts, or supernatural things. But I swear sometimes if I squeeze my eyes shut and just concentrate, I feel like he is still around.